Almost

Sometimes I read other blogs about children who are medically fragile. Occasionally there will be a post about the day their child almost died. And there is almost always a picture of their child on a ventilator. Pictures that remind me of when Dominic and Bridget were in the PICU. Pictures like this:

 

 

The pictures of when Dominic and Bridget almost died.


Sometimes I have memories that are too real to simply be a memory. Like when we were driving yesterday and I saw the ambulance coming from the off ramp. And I remembered being in that ambulance with Dominic, sitting next to the driver. Leaving the world of amusement behind us and trying to get on the freeway. Following a little old man in a truck who apparently couldn't hear the sirens, see the flashing lights. And who apparently thought he was still driving on the city streets by the speed he was going. I was trying to tell him through ESP or something to please hurry, to move out of the way. We had to get my little boy to the hospital. He almost died, but they're going to save him! Please just move out of the way!

If I could go back in time, and change something. There is only one word that needs to change. Almost. Instead of "they died", how I wish I could go back and add "they almost died". How much of a difference it would make:
"They almost died, but they've saved them!"

But all I can say is, "They almost saved them, but they died."






When I read those other blogs, I am relieved for the families. That the photos they post following those events are ones of their child recovering, growing, developing. But I admit, that there is something of envy in me. Because I would so much like to be doing the same thing.