It's all because of you
I'm feeling sad and blue
You went away, now my life is just a rainy day
And I love you so
How much you'll never know
You've gone away and left me lonely.
Untouchable memories seem to keep haunting me
Love that's so true
That once turned all my gray skies blue
But you disappeared
Now my eyes are filled with tears
And I'm wishing you were here with me.
Soft with love are my thoughts of you
Now that you're gone I just don't know what to do.
If only you were here
You'd wash away my tears
The sun would shine
And once again you'd be mine all mine
In reality
You and I will never be
You took your love away from me.
If only you were here
You'd wash away my tears
The sun would shine
Once again you'd be mine all mine.
In reality
You and I will never be
Cause you took your love away from me, oh baby
You took your love away from me.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Threads
It is just so strange to me. Things go through my mind, and then somehow it all converges. I had been thinking of that song from my childhood. The one in my mother's music box. Then when our kids were playing the new game they received from their grandma today, they thought they recognized the song I had been plinking out on the piano, lamenting that google didn't do a tune search. I didn't believe them. They played it for me, and it didn't sound quite right. So they found a link to the song, with the lyrics no less. That is it! And the words written with the tune actually are much better than I could have come up with. I don't recall my mother ever knowing the lyrics. Don't know if she even knew the name of the song. So to me, it's just a sweet way to feel connected to the universe somehow. That it seems perhaps someone knew what I was searching for. And though my deepest longings cannot be fulfilled right now, it is a little tender mercy for now.
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12 comments:
I have a music box that my mom gave me when I was about 4. I don't know the name of the song or the lyrics. I bet you are happy to find the music and lyrics to your song. The words are quite sad... but in a way they seem to reflect on feelings you must have after the loss of your little ones.
It was my daughter, Lynell that saw your comment on Gracie's blog and told me about you. Your story touched me so much that I shared it with a few of my blog friends. They are really nice people.I am glad to see that some of them have come to visit you and left comments on your "Funeral" post. I hope that you will go to their blogs and get to know them too. You will like them and they will be a support to you.
Just know that others do care for you and are sorry for all that you have been through. May God bless you. Love, Grammy Lura
My heart breaks for you in your grief. You and your family will be in my prayers. ♥
Hi there, I found your blog from another blog and I know I am a stranger but I hope you don't mind that I comment. I have never lost a child so I don't know exactly how you are feeling, I can only imagine the pain because I am a mother to 5 and I know of the love of a mother for her children. My brother had a full term still born baby boy almost 3 years ago. That was so so hard for them to go through, I can't imagine having it be your own baby, and twice. I am truly so sorry for your loss. I know that there are not words that can help the pain of what you are going through but I just wanted you to know that I am sending you love today! Oh how I wish I could have been there for you, and your sweet family in your time of need. I am so sorry that you did not get the love and support you deserved. Somtimes people feel fear of someone who lost a baby, because they don't know what to say or how to say it. I remember before my brothers baby died, we had a family in our ward loose there sweet baby girl at 3 weeks old,I really did not know them I felt unsure of what to say or fearing the thought of saying the wrong thing. I realize now that was the wrong thing to do, I hope you know that you are loved and that he is there for you always. I read a blog that you might really enjoy, and might be able to connect with other moms who have gone through the loss of a child, they have a private blog for all the familys that have lost chlidren. It is www.adailyscoop.blogspot.com I hope you will vist her blog, there is strength in numbers and maybe you can recieve some much needed love and support from online bloggers. I also wanted to leave you with a tender poem I thought of for you. I pray that you will have comfort and feel the love and support you deserve. Lots of love, Kelsi
A Mothers Crown
Heaven lit up with His mighty presence,
As all the Angels looked down,
Today the Lord was placing the jewels,
In all the mother's crowns.
As He held up a golden crown,
As all the mother's looked on,
He said in His gentle voice,
"I just want to explain each stone".
He held the first gem in His hand
But the radiance couldn't match His own.
For He was the light of Heaven,
Reflecting off each of the stones.
"The first gem," He said, "is an emerald,
And it's for endurance alone,
For all the nights you waited up.
For your children to come home.
For all the nights by their bedside,
You stayed till the fever went down,
For nursing every little wound,
I add this emerald to your crown."
"A ruby, I'll place by the emerald,
For leading your child in the right way,
For if you hadn't taught them about me,
They wouldn't be here with you today.
For always being right there,
Thru all life's important events,
I give you a sapphire stone,
For the time and love you spent."
"For untying the strings that held them,
When they grew up and left home,
I give you this one for courage."
Then the Lord added an amethyst stone.
"I'll place a stone of garnet," He said,
"For all the times you spent on your knees,
When you asked me to take care of your children,
And them for having faith in me."
"I have a pearl for every little sacrifice,
That you made without them knowing,
For all the times you went without,
To keep them happy, healthy, and growing."
"And last of all I have a diamond,
The greatest of all gems,
For those mother's who lost their children,
When they came home to heaven before them."
"This is the most precious sacrifice,
So I give the most precious stone,
For I know just how you felt,
I too lost a child of my own."
After the Lord placed the last jewel in,
He said, "Heaven is now complete,
For every mother has her crown of jewels,
And all her children are at her feet."
(author unknown)
so sorry to hear about your sweet babies.
Please let me know if you need anything!
I am just dropping by to say hello again. I hope that you have a good day. I think that it might be hard for you and I just wanted you to know I was thinking of you.
I stopped by your blog today...you and yours have had your share of heartache...but never forget Heavenly Father loves us, and wants us to be happy. Isn't it comforting to know that we will all be together again, and that your little ones can be your Guardian Angels.
If it is alright, I would like to come back and visit with you. Some where out in blogdom, there are many people that care.
LOL
What a lovely song...full of sentiment that would be felt personally by anyone that heard it. I'm visiting at the recommendation of Grammy Staffy and I'm so glad that I stopped by. Your precious angels, gone from you for now, are still and forever your children. It's just so hard to have to wait to be with them again. I know that you must be an amazing woman. I'm excited to learn more about your story. Please let your new blog friends give you all the love and support you need. We're here!
I just wanted to say how much your posts have touched my heart. I can't begin to understand what you must feel. But, I have spent the past week thinking about you and praying for you. I hope that today will be a good day.
I found you through Grammy Staffy......and I don't have words to express how much my heart hurts for you and your family. I just wanted to let you know you that I am thinking about you and praying for your famly. Many Hugs!!
sending you a hug- and praying for you-lovebug hugs from Meme in Canada
Thank you for your comment on my blog. My wife and I are so sorry to hear your story. Losing children is the most difficult thing anyone could face in mortal life. You have a special bond with our Heavenly Father because he gave of his own son willingly. I don't know how He did that. But, I know that he did.
I have found, for me, that what empowers me through suffering is when-ever I get to take the sacrament. Exercising the 4th article of faith is a step ladder which has help empower me and allowed me to experience the fruit of the tree of life. Not always. But, every now and then when I get a taste it keeps me going. But, I have to go it.
I love a sermon called "The Power of Deliverance" given by President Henry B. Eyring. He is a humble apostle who has suffered a lot in his lifetime. Most people don't know about his own suffering and difficulties. The apostles have endured a lot. But, they don't talk about it. President Eyring has carefully, and beautiful discussed how to feel peace through the most difficult of all circumstances. It has helped me and my wife who understands the meaning of pain.
My angel of a wife was one of 10 kids born to a school teacher father. As the second youngest, when she was 3 her mom got cancer and died 5 years later. My wife has endured 5 miss-carriages which came after being on bed-rest for months. She delivered our twin boys in the ER. We were able to hold them for a few minutes but because they were only 18 weeks we didn't get to have a funeral. But, through it all, and it's been very hard, she keeps going and has found great comfort in reaching out to others who suffer and by partaking of the sacrament.
I know God loves us. I know he loves each of us. No one has their fair share of trials. Some have milestones around their necks while others float through life. People don't always know how to respond to something they don't understand. And that's ok.
Thank you for sharing your blog with people and letting them know your true feelings. I hope for the best but above all know that I believe in Jesus. And I may soon join those who've gone beyond. For me, it is much harder to say goodbye than to suffer. But, I am willing to do what-ever God wants. Until then, I hope, I pray, I exercise as much faith as I can, and say, "Nevertheless my will, but Thine be done."
President Eyring's talk link:
http://www.byub.org/findatalk/details.asp?ID=5741
I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for your loss of Bridget and Dominic. I can so relate to all that you have written and can only sense the pain in your words. I have shed many tears as well since the passing of our sweet granddaughter and the insensitivity of others. I'm grateful these sweet angels will never be subject to such pain. I will continue to pray for strength and for comfort. I can only say I'm so sorry for all that you have gone through and may still go through and wish we were neighbors so that I might be able to help somehow. Take care and know we love you even from afar.
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